Have you ever walked into a meeting feeling completely drained before the first word was even spoken? Or perhaps you’ve finished a long day feeling like you’ve been chasing your tail, leaving you frustrated and exhausted. We often think our emotions are things that just “happen” to us: like the weather: but the truth is far more empowering.

I’ve spent years coaching individuals and teams through Your Success, and if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: your emotional state is the engine room of your life. If the engine is misfiring, it doesn’t matter how hard you steer; you aren’t going to get where you want to go.

Setting your best emotional state isn’t about being “happy” all the time. It’s about building the mental resilience to choose how you respond to the world around you. Today, I want to share the tools I use to help my clients move from surviving to thriving.

The Loop That Rules Your Life

To change your state, you first have to understand how it works. In my coaching sessions, I often talk about the Thought-Feeling-Action Loop.

It’s a simple but powerful cycle: your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive your behaviours, and your actions reinforce your original thoughts. If you think, “I’m not prepared for this presentation,” you’ll start to feel anxious. That anxiety might make you stumble over your words (behaviour), which then proves to your brain that you weren’t prepared (reinforcing the thought).

I also look at this through the Trigger → Thought → Emotion → Behaviour framework. Something happens (a trigger), your brain tells a story about it (thought), you feel a certain way (emotion), and then you act (behaviour).

The magic happens when you realize you can interrupt this loop at the “Thought” stage. By changing the story you tell yourself, you change the entire outcome.

Feeding the Right Wolf

There is an old story I love to share about a grandfather telling his grandson about a battle going on inside him. He says there are two wolves: one is full of anger, envy, and fear; the other is full of joy, peace, and love.

The grandson asks, “Which one wins?” The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

In our daily lives, we are constantly feeding one of these wolves. When we dwell on what’s going wrong or compare ourselves to others on social media, we are feeding the wolf of fear and hate. When we practice gratitude and focus on growth, we feed the wolf of love.

I always tell my clients: where you place your attention is where you place your energy. If you want to thrive, you have to be intentional about what you’re feeding.

Practical Tools to Reset Your State

Knowing the theory is one thing, but how do you actually do it when the pressure is on? I’ve found that grounding techniques are the fastest way to “name it and tame it.” When you feel your emotions starting to spiral, try these two exercises.

1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding

This is a brilliant tool for pulling your mind out of the future (anxiety) or the past (regret) and back into the present moment. Take a deep breath and identify:

2. Box Breathing

This is a technique used by elite athletes and special forces to regulate their nervous systems. It’s simple:

By slowing your body down, you send a signal to your brain that you are safe, allowing you to shift from a “fight or flight” state back into a “rest and digest” state.

Reframing: Changing the Narrative

One of the core pillars of my book, Get on with it, is the power of reframing. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?”, I want you to start asking, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I use this?”

Reframing isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about choosing a perspective that serves you. If a project fails, you can see it as a sign that you’re a failure (feeding the wrong wolf), or you can see it as a data point that shows you a better way to succeed next time.

I’ve used this myself. When the pandemic shut down my face-to-face training business overnight, I had to choose: freeze in fear or move forward. I chose to move, and that’s how my digital coaching and Motivational Mapping services truly took flight.

The 30-Day Goal Setting Strategy

Once you’ve mastered your state, you need a direction to point that energy. I’m a huge believer in the 30-day goal setting approach.

Research shows that people who plan when and where they will take action are up to 91% more likely to follow through. I don’t want you to set a goal for a year from now; I want to know what you’re going to achieve in the next 30 days.

This creates a sense of momentum. Every small win reinforces the thought that you are someone who gets things done, which in turn improves your emotional state. It’s the positive version of the loop we talked about earlier!

Building Your Mental Resilience

Mental resilience isn’t about never falling down; it’s about how quickly you get back up. In my short courses, I focus on helping you understand your “emotional terrain.”

When you understand what triggers you: be it social comparison, work stress, or physical exhaustion: you gain the power to prepare for it. You can’t stop the waves, but I can certainly teach you how to surf.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Taking control of your mindset is a journey, and while I’ve provided some tools here, sometimes we need a partner to help us see the patterns we can’t see ourselves. Whether it’s through my books like Get on with it or When Love Meets Menopause, or through 1-to-1 coaching, I’m here to help you unlock that potential.

I believe that everyone has the capacity to thrive, no matter their starting point. It all begins with that first intentional choice to think a better thought.

If you’re feeling stuck or you’re ready to take your team’s performance to the next level, I’d love to chat. Sometimes, all it takes is a fresh perspective and a solid plan to change everything.

Feel free to reach out to me directly through the website. Let’s see what we can achieve together in the next 30 days.